Monday, September 22, 2008
Have you noticed? Tragedies always happen in twos.
Or threes.
Or hundreds.
And as much as I have been annoyed in the past by people who write list-y blogs, I need to document this week and know that I'm not alone.
Saturday, I made a mistake and crossed a line I should not have crossed. I was humbled and broken. But Sunday, God told me that I have not lost anything. When you drop a vase on the floor, it breaks, and when you glue the pieces back together, there are still cracks where tiny pieces of glass dust have gone missing. God told me he has gathered all of the pieces of me, even the specks of dust, and made me whole. There are no cracks. The Lord is gracious. And compassionate.
In May, my brother's wife left him. She said she got married too young. That she doesn't love him. Decided she would rather work at Hooters. On Monday, their divorce became final.
I spent much of this summer learning how not to hate her, and I've pointed many angry eyes in God's direction. And on Monday, when I got the text message from my brother that said, "It's final and official. Thanks for all of your thoughts and prayers," I couldn't help feeling a sense of sad relief. Like I've been playing a giant game of tug-of-war and the other team finally won.
Tuesday, I learned that I screwed up in planning my entire college career, and since I don't have an advisor in the music department, I can't get approved for graduation. Then I got a very rude and condescending letter from a faculty member.
Luckily....no, by God's provision....that one got resolved the following day. I will graduate in the spring.
Thursday, my dog died. I've had her longer than I've had boobs. She was an animal, and she was a part of our family. Always around during busy days, holidays, boring days, sick days. Dolly was cursed with a short snout, and consequently, she never took a breath without snorting. She loved cheese and having her ears scratched. Her paws were so fuzzy that if she sat on the kitchen floor, she had to constantly readjust because her feet slid out from under her.
I haven't been home yet, but I'm anticipating a silent hole in the house where she used to be.
Saturday, Sunday, and today have been fat days. Days that I feel like a sperm whale, even though my body is the same exact size it was on Friday, which was not a fat day.
Stupid hollywood.
I have several dear friends whose lives are affected by the big C. A granddaughter with leukemia. A mom with lung cancer. A dad with bone marrow cancer. This is one thing I can't make any sense of.
Here is what I do know. Deep, deep in my heart, beneath my emotions and daily circumstances.
The Lord is faithful. He knows what I need. And I can trust Him.
May you, dear reader, have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. Amen
[Ephesians 3]
