Sunday, June 6, 2010

This blog has moved.


ConsiderGrace.blogspot.com

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Not doing so well with this blog...

BUT I did watch Julie & Julia and got inspired. And my name has changed since my last post here.

So I'll spend the next few days writing for and launching my NEW blog....hopefully :)

Treading On The Heights

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

With small hands

New, trusting, innocent hands

He holds on.

He wraps his tiny fingers around a larger one.

Firm and sturdy.

Patient and faithful.

 

His eyes do not waver

Fixed on a face that is brighter.

 

Bringing his foot a few inches forward

He is powerless without the strong hands

That are gently pulling him closer.

 

Unsteady steps.

One foot falling in front of the next

As if he was born for it.

He is gliding.

Then, a crooked step, he drops to the floor.

 

He is pulled up with a shriek of delight

“You’ve done it!”

You’ve done it.

 

***

 

With empty hands now

Steps are not as smooth.

 

Teetering and tumbling –

This is frequent but forgiven.

 

Although sturdy fingers must

Let go

They never simply

Go.

The bright face is watching.

And rejoicing.

 

Four steps before falling.

Now five

And then Seven.

 

Each step strengthens the next.

This

Is confidence.

This

Is endurance.

This

Is growth.

 

***

 

With dirty hands now

Holding sticks that are transformed into swords

And rubber spiders and real snakes.

 

And now, holding a leg that has broken

Rocking back and forth

Letting tears remain on his cheeks

Until someone with a brighter face wipes them clean.

 

A long fall.

A messy landing.

 

He will not walk for some time.

No steps.

He must heal.

 

***

 

With sturdy hands now.

Wise and patient.

Trusted by a pair of tiny, innocent hands

That hold on.

 

He presses his fingertips against

The warm blacktop.

 

Eyes close for a moment

And he breathes deeply

 

Before launching himself from the starting blocks.

 

His legs have grown healthy and strong –

Rarely stumbling

Rarely mis-stepping

And when they do,

The next step follows so quickly,

Crookedness is unnoticeable

Insignificant

Forgotten

 

 

His heart beats stronger with every stride.

His lungs fill and empty.

The rhythm of his footsteps.

 

There is one with a bright face

Standing along the fence.

 

Whose heart is pumping

Whose breath is racing

Whose muscles are tightening.

 

He is running!

He is running.

 

Smooth and powerful

Forward forever.

 

And hurtling through the tape to victory

He hears a bright voice - 

“You’ve done it!”

You’ve done it.

Rain, rain, go away.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Have you noticed?  Tragedies always happen in twos.  

Or threes.

Or hundreds.

And as much as I have been annoyed in the past by people who write list-y blogs, I need to document this week and know that I'm not alone.

Saturday, I made a mistake and crossed a line I should not have crossed.  I was humbled and broken.  But Sunday, God told me that I have not lost anything.  When you drop a vase on the floor, it breaks, and when you glue the pieces back together, there are still cracks where tiny pieces of glass dust have gone missing.  God told me he has gathered all of the pieces of me, even the specks of dust, and made me whole.  There are no cracks.  The Lord is gracious.  And compassionate.

In May, my brother's wife left him.  She said she got married too young.  That she doesn't love him.  Decided she would rather work at Hooters.  On Monday, their divorce became final.

I spent much of this summer learning how not to hate her, and I've pointed many angry eyes in God's direction.  And on Monday, when I got the text message from my brother that said, "It's final and official.  Thanks for all of your thoughts and prayers," I couldn't help feeling a sense of sad relief.  Like I've been playing a giant game of tug-of-war and the other team finally won.

Tuesday, I learned that I screwed up in planning my entire college career, and since I don't have an advisor in the music department, I can't get approved for graduation.  Then I got a very rude and condescending letter from a faculty member.

Luckily....no, by God's provision....that one got resolved the following day.  I will graduate in the spring.

Thursday, my dog died.  I've had her longer than I've had boobs.  She was an animal, and she was a part of our family.  Always around during busy days, holidays, boring days, sick days.  Dolly was cursed with a short snout, and consequently, she never took a breath without snorting.  She loved cheese and having her ears scratched.  Her paws were so fuzzy that if she sat on the kitchen floor, she had to constantly readjust because her feet slid out from under her.

I haven't been home yet, but I'm anticipating a silent hole in the house where she used to be.

Saturday, Sunday, and today have been fat days.  Days that I feel like a sperm whale, even though my body is the same exact size it was on Friday, which was not a fat day.

Stupid hollywood.

I have several dear friends whose lives are affected by the big C.  A granddaughter with leukemia.  A mom with lung cancer.  A dad with bone marrow cancer.  This is one thing I can't make any sense of.

Here is what I do know.  Deep, deep in my heart, beneath my emotions and daily circumstances.

The Lord is faithful.  He knows what I need.  And I can trust Him.

May you, dear reader, have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is.  Amen

[Ephesians 3]

Til Death Do Us Part

Friday, June 27, 2008

I'm the only one who still believes my brothers marriage can be saved.

Divorce used to be something foreign. Unfamiliar. Fictional.  Now it is nipping at my fingertips and breathing across my kneecaps, like a hungry wolf underneath the dinner table.  And I can't help but wonder, if this can happen to him, can it happen to me?  If she can give up on forever so easily, simply because she's not receiving enough affection, or he plays too many video games, or whatever her complaint is, will someone love me and my flaws?

Lord, help them.

Becoming Butterflies...

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Do I have to start this blog by referring to the start of this blog?

There.  Now that that's taken care of.

***

A butterfly landed on my toe yesterday as I sat outside reading a novel, pretending that I didn't care about getting a tan.  After the little bug had a rest on my foot, she fluttered her wings and flitted around the yard, darting here and there, with no apparent destination in mind.  

I watched her placidly, and I couldn't help but think about how happy she must have been to finally be free from her cocoon.  A more educated mind may have been able to tell me that she was looking for some tasty bugs or testing the temperature with her wings, but to me, she was just enjoying the freedom from her cramped space.  Wouldn't you?

Earlier this year, I went through a stage that, to me, felt like being trapped inside of a cocoon.  Not only was I unable to see what was happening around me, but I felt myself changing into something completely unfamiliar, and seemingly unwanted.  I felt afraid and alone, as if I was the only one in the world who had ever felt this way.  I thought these feelings would never end, and as I prepared myself to live the rest of my life with a broken and confused heart, 

God began to heal me. 

He revealed to me that, like a butterfly in a cocoon, I needed to go through this time in order to change into something much better and differently beautiful than what I was before.  

I won't say I have been fully transformed, and I hope I will continue to grow.  But I am okay with being in a cocoon 

....for now.

So please, friend, join me in the endeavor.  Let these dreams and musings surround and nurture you.  May our worlds and our stories collide on this page, and may we be filled with grace and assurance as we are slowly, and steadily, 

becoming butterflies.

***

A tiny bud is hanging from

Underneath a leaf

Lovely little caterpillar, you're inside

Don't be afraid, it'll be alright

Just last week, you could see the trees

Everything seemed clear to you

Now you're stuck inside this web 'til who knows when?

Darling, don't be scared, you'll come out again

I know you're scared, I've been there

So far away from home

Lovely little caterpillar, trust in me

Please don't be afraid of what you can't see

Because when you just don't understand

What's going on inside of you

Don't be afraid, because I can see

Just what you're changing into.